Have you ever asked yourself,
What happens
If an angel falls to earth?


I was never interested…

Until I met this boy…

Chapter 1

It was dark when Eliya came home and it rained.
Her long, light brown hair hung in strands in her face and covered her view, but it didn't bother her. On the contrary, it was good the way it was, because she could hide the wounds which covered her face.
She pulled the house key from her trouser pocket and opened the door carefully, but instead of entering the house and escaping the cold she turned around a last time.
Her heartbeat rose as she recognized a dark shape behind a tree on the other side of the street. But instead of fear a sudden indescribable warmth ran through her body and drove the cold out of her limbs. She shivered and shook her head.
When her view wandered towards the shape again, it had disappeared.
Slowly she went into the house and closed the door as quietly as she could.
In the meantime her parents became unconcerned whether and when Eliya came home, which drove tears into her eyes every time she thought about it.
Even on the quiet Hello!, which escaped her throat, she got no answer, but she was sure that she was heard, because for one moment silence fell in the living room. No two seconds later the discussion was continued in a far louder tone to drown all sounds outside the room.
The feeling of loneliness, which spread in her heart, became stronger every day and nothing on earth seemed be able to take away this feeling.
'I should have known this… I should have known that this was a trap…', she thought wearily and went in her room.
She stood in front of her mirror and swept her hair out of her face.
A long cut tore the left half of her face down to the chin. It bled no longer, but she could still feel the pounding of her heart in this wound.
She stroke over the wound with her left hand and winced, when a stringing pain ran through the wound where she had touched it.
"Jerk", she murmured quietly. A weak smile flickered over her lips, but it was more a grimace than a smile. Then she started to cry.
"I cry? Why?" She stared at her reflection, which seemed to not think about stopping the tears, it simply let them be.
Eliya shook her head.
"Why is that? Tears make no difference, you know that! Stop it!", she cried, but instead of obeying, her reflection cried even more.
Something shining stung in her eye and she turned around to see what it was, that attracted her interest.
On the small table beside the mirror lay a razor.
Eliya thought shortly how it had ended up in her room.
Then she remembered it.
It lay there for a week already. She had stolen it from the bathroom, in hope, her father wouldn't notice. Nevertheless he wanted to let a beard grow, so there was no need for it anymore.
And her father did not really notice, but to make matters worse her mother did.
To her surprise her father said he had thrown it away and her mother left it thereby.
'Doesn't matter…', she thought and picked the razor up.
"It will be over soon… but I am afraid… I am terrified…" A quiet sigh escaped her throat, when she softly stroked over the sharp end. "What will come after death? Is everything ending or will the pain start anew… I wish to know…" She led the razor to her wrist, but withdrew in the end. "I can't do it…", she murmured and cried again.
The razor fell off her hand and she winced when hearing the loud Kliiiiiiing! as it hit the ground.
Frightened she stopped breathing and did not dare to move an inch, but it remained silent outside her room.
No fast steps, no worried sighs, nothing.
"What should have I expected?", she whispered with a tormented laughter. "That mum will sprint to my room looking at me with fear?" Eliya shook her head.
She knelt down beside the razor and examined the blade which was shining in the light.
There was something red on the blade.
Curiously she picked the razor up and contemplated it. Only now she noticed the small red drops near the razor on the ground. From where did they come?
'That is… blood…', she thought surprised and her view slid to her arm.
A thin, red line tore her lower arm. Blood poured out.
"How did this happen? I haven't felt anything… nothing… no pain. Strange…" Carefully she stroked over the wound. The blood was warm and a slight metallic smell spread. 'That's how my blood smells… I've never realized it, even though it happened so many times… so many wounds, so much pain and I never noticed it?'
Eliya shook her head and wiped the blood off the ground.
She cleaned the razor with a rag and hid it at a safe place. It might be useful again.
She got rid of her clothes which were, as she realized only now, soaked wet. She in person wasn't feeling cold, even though her skin felt icily.
Eliya hasn't been this glad to have her own bathroom for a long time.
She went into the small shower and untwisted the tap to the block.
As the cold water became warm and finally hot, a deep feeling of ease and peace ran through her body. A feeling which became different in the course of time.
Eliya showered for a long time to forget all the stresses and strains of the past day. But as soon as she would look at herself in the mirror again everything would come back, because the wound which tore her face reminded her again what they had done to her.
And it would remind her, her whole life because a scar would be left behind.
Lost in thoughts she went out of the shower, dried herself up and put her pyjamas on.
Before she went to bed she threw a last view outside her window.
And there it was again, the black shape behind the tree and its view seemed to exactly meet Eliya's. She winced back frightened.
The fact that she were still followed and watched made her fear.
She tightened the curtains and went to bed.
Tears ran down her cheeks and she sobbed silently.
Wasn't she granted to live in peace?

There was a light. A bright, warm light.
Eliya opened her eyes and looked into the beautiful face of a man. He smiled at her and whispered something, but she couldn't quite hear what he said.
The man seemed to shine from the inside out, and the light that surrounded him was bright and warm. The breathtaking light even shone into the darkest corners of her heart. Everything was illuminated and flooded by the light.
Eliya sat up and gazed at the man.
He had wings. Snow white wings, which shone as bright as the man himself.
His long golden hair danced in the gentle wind, though Eliya did not know from where it came. Her window, oddly, was closed.
"Are you… an angel?", Eliya asked hesitantly.
Again, the man whispered something, and again, she couldn't hear his words.
"I… I can't understand you…", she murmured sadly and lowered her head so that he could not see the tears burning in her eyes.
The man quietly sat down beside her on the bed and put a hand on her shoulder.
An unbelievable warmth and peace spread through her body from where he had touched her. The tears disappeared, and a moment later, she didn't know why she had cried.
And suddenly she could hear him. There were no words he spoke with. He spoke through his heart.
Now that she had calmed down and the riot in her heart had become peaceful once more, she could understand him.
Again, she asked, "Are you an angel?" Instead of answering, he smiled and stroked her face.
A moment later, Eliya could feel that something changed. The warmth that his touch brought made her cringe, yet also have her a feeling she had missed all those years: a feeling of ease.
She wanted this moment to last forever and prayed that the time would stand still, but before she could get a hold of it, the angel had disappeared and an unbelievable tiredness came over her…

The next morning everything was like before.
Eliya rose at daybreak and prepared herself for school.
She made her homework as a basic principle only in the morning and so she had no other choice but to rise with the sun.
After she finished her homework she looked suspiciously out of her window. Something told her, she was being watched.
She looked to the tree on the other side of the road, at which she had seen the black shape the day before. Relieved she discovered no one was to be seen. But she couldn't get rid of the feeling she was being watched.
A little nervous she went to the bathroom to wash herself.
When she looked in the mirror she flinched frightened.
The wound, which had been given to her on the day before, had disappeared and nothing seemed to indicate that she had ever been injured.
"How… is this possible? I haven't imagined all of this, have I? But the pain felt real… it did really hurt." Slowly she stroked over her cheek.
Eliyas heart beat faster and the fear, as the thought of going insane rose in her head and made her shiver. "What is happening to me…" Tears rose in her eyes and she wasn't sure what to do. Was it because of her broken family and her surrounding that her senses began to play tricks on her?
It took a while until Eliya was able to think clearly again and had calmed down.
And then she remembered the dream.
"Was this angel real? Did he heal me?" She tried to remember his face, but the only thing that came in her mind was the warm light that came from him and the feeling of ease. It happened to be a long time since she last felt this way and she had nearly forgotten how it felt.
That angel had actually given her the feeling of being loved.
Eliya thought about it again and again while she washed herself and brushed her teeth. Finally she came to the conclusion that this dream must have been real even though she was still unable to believe in it. She could not believe that there really was such thing as angels and at least that there was a God.
When she entered her room again and started to dress herself, she threw another gaze outside and breathed a sigh of relief as no one was to be seen. She packed her school stuff together and left her room.
In the kitchen she made herself a sandwich, which she wanted to eat on her way to school.
Her parents were still asleep when she left the house.
Like always she threw a sad glance back to her home. There was nothing she wished for more than for her mother to stand at the door in the morning showing her off.
On her way she met her school fellows, who had arranged to meet each other like every morning at the supermarket to walk their way to school together. As much as she liked to belong to them, it remained refused to her.
Only once she had tried to and approached to the small group, but more than devaluing snot and the words: Go away, something like you isn't welcomed here! had held her back from trying it again.
They were right, she was different and she knew it, even though she wasn't sure what it was that made her different. The only thing she knew was that it was there and made her smelly towards others.
When the small group noticed her, they turned away and started to quietly whisper to one another.
Eliya was used to their behavior, but it hurt every time anew.
And every time she asked herself again, what it was that made her different. But she still lacked the courage to ask them.
She threw a last sad gaze back at them as she passed and continued her way to school alone.
She thought about it and came to the conclusion she wasn't in need of anybody.  She had been alone her whole life and had survived, why should it be any different now?
'So what, I can live my life alone. I don't need anybody!', she thought. But deep inside her subconscious she knew she couldn't. Her cry for love and security had fallen on deaf ears for all those years and Eliya had been finally able to banish it to the last corners of her soul, but it was still there.
Eliya stopped and looked towards the sky.
Lost in thoughts, she stared at the few clouds which passed over her head.
The sun stood high in the sky and she knew she had to hurry.
"But for what…", she murmured unhappy. "It makes no difference whether I go or not…"
"May I pass?", asked a woman's voice in front of her and startled her out of her thoughts.
Eliya looked at her.
The woman carried a little child on her arms, who smiled at her full of joy. When Eliya wanted to answer the smile, the mother turned the head of the child aside so that it couldn't see her any longer.
"So? May I pass now?"
Eliya noticed only now that she stood in the middle of the sidewalk and on her right side there stood a car, which blocked the remaining sidewalk.
"Oh, yes. I'm sorry." Eliya smiled shyly and stood aside in order to free the way. "There you go."
"I'm really sorry…", she whispered again as the woman started to move.
"Instead of being in thoughts, you should rather mind the people around you and try not to be in their way", the woman said in a harsh voice and walked past without another word.
The woman deigned not to look at her again and also no words of thanks came over her lips.
Eliya looked after her.
The child caught another glimpse at her and once again it smiled full of joy.
'Thank you…', she thought with tears in her eyes. Why did this child give her a smile, while everyone else treated her like crap?
The school bell startled her out of her thoughts.
"Damn! I'll be late again!"
She started to run, but she knew she would never arrive there in time.
When she finally entered the school building, the class had already started.
'Damn…', she thought in despair. 'My teacher will kill me if I burst in the classroom now. And the others will bully me again…'
Eliya stood there for a few minutes and listened to the class. She didn't know whether she should knock or just simply wait until the class was over.
"It might be best for me to leave. This is pointless…"
She turned around, but in this moment the door was opened.
"You're late again?"
Eliya stood there rooted to the ground and it seemed to be an eternity, until she finally turned around to face the person who had talked to her.
"Ehm… I am sorry…", she babbled and looked to the floor. "Well, it's ok. Just come in before I change my mind." "Tha…nk you…Mr. K…ira."
Eliya flit inside the classroom and to her seat, where she sat down in a hurry.
From her classmates she only got cold glances as they turned around to show her that she still wasn't welcomed.
"Weren't you able to get here earlier?", her seatmate snapped at her so quietly that only she was able to hear. "Because of you I haven't been able to copy the homework! Why else do you think I sit next to you. I hate you!"
Eliya looked down and softly sighed.
It was always the same.
The more Eliya wished to belong to them, the more everything turned into the opposite. Sometimes Eliya thought she was cursed, which made it impossible for her to be loved by others.
Or had she done something terribly bad in her previous life, something that made her deserve this as punishment?
'If… if I knew this… it would be much easier to endure… but that might be another part of the punishment? There must be a reason for this…'
But would God punish humans in a future life for things they've done earlier?
The more Eliya thought about it, the more she came to the conclusion that God wouldn't do such a thing. After all they were told in their religious studies class that God would judge them in infinite mercy. But what would their teacher know about it. If she was honest, no one could know, what kind of creature God was and if he was real at all.
'Right, God would never approve or tolerate this unfairness and wars on this earth…', Eliya thought. 'Thus there is no God. There's nothing, only us who mutually destroy one another and cling to a belief to justify our doing. And once we've died, we're going to vanish as if we'd never existed.'
"Yeah… as if we had never been there…"
"You have been late to class, so the least you can do is listen!", Mr. Kira snapped at her. "Save your thoughts for the break."
Eliya nodded guiltily and looked down.
The class was so boring that she had difficulties in listening to the words her teacher spoke, not to mention to memorize them. At the moment she had lots of other things that kept her busy, things she needed to think about.

The school bell rang for the end of class and Eliya slowly packed her books together, but suddenly a shape built itself up in front of her.
Eliya stacked her books neatly one upon the other on her table. After that she looked up.
"What are you? A monster?", the girl asked furiously, who had built herself up in front of her.
Behind her, her entire clique stood there in a circle around the two of them in order to follow the spectacle which would take place.
Quiet laughter was heard, but Eliya made no attempts to respond.
She knew what she was talking about, because she had been the one who injured her the day before
"I'm talking to you!", she said in a loud voice and hit the table with the palm of her hand.
"I have nothing to say to you, Cial", murmured Eliya calmly and turned towards her books again, which she placed inside her bag.
"What are you?", she snapped. "What have you done to your face? I hurt you, I know it!" There was a hint of fear in Cials voice.
Eliya smiled and finally laughed out loud, Cial then backed off.
"I am a witch and if you´re not careful I will jinx you into a frog!", she shouted with sparkling eyes.
She got up, took her bag and made her way through the group of girls, who tried to evade her posthaste.
With a triumphant smile she left the classroom, but she knew she had made a terrible mistake which she would pay for in the near future. A quiet sigh escaped her throat.
She stopped a moment as she stood in the threshold of the outer door and stared at the sky, before she went home.
It became spring, Eliya noticed, because the blossoms of the trees began to break out of their buds.
A smile shooed over her lips and she decided to make a detour which would lead her to the close forest.
Eliya felt herself drawn to the nature, since she could think.
She had the feeling that something or someone she couldn´t see, was calling her and whenever she followed that call, she found herself in the forest outside the city again and the call fell silent.
Sometimes she asked herself if her mind was playing tricks on her in order to banish the loneliness out of her heart.
She had nobody. No one on her side, whom she could trust; no one she could talk to or to console her with friendly words. She was alone.
"Why do agonize about something like that?", she murmured scarcely audible. "I should be happy and I should enjoy these moments of peace…"
She nodded to affirm her words and continued her way through the forest.
The gentle sighing of the leaves in the wind and the bright sunlight, which occasionally hit the ground, gave Eliya the feeling to dive into another world.
She looked towards the sky, smiled joyfully and began to slowly turn around in circles.
'I am at home', she thought.
No other place she knew gave her the feeling to be that welcomed than that forest did.
When it began to dawn, Eliya decided to go home.
The more she came near her home, the more she felt that oppressive weight upon her and even the hunger she had felt seemed to vanish.
As the sun vanished behind the far horizon she arrived at home.
Like every day she opened the door, threw a last look back down the street before she entered and closed the door as quiet as possible.
To her surprise no one seemed to be at home.
Frowning Eliya walked towards the living room. Her school bag she left at the first flight of the stairs.
With caution she peeked through the small gap in the doorway.
No one was to be seen.
Eliya opened the door and walked in.
Arriving in the kitchen she found a small slip of paper on the desk.

We´re gone for a few days.
Be careful not to make a mess and keep everything in order.

Eliya picked the sheet up and turned it around, hoping to find something else on it.
Nothing.
Disappointed she let it fall back on the desk and left the kitchen.
Slowly she stumped up the stairs to her room.
She threw her school bag in the corner of her room and fell on her bed.
'I should be happy to be home alone… but still… I feel lonelier than ever before…'